Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. ~Neil Gaiman
I'm not sure why this speaks so deeply to me...but it does. I don't hate love. I think it is a beautiful thing. Something I tend to give away probably more freely than I should, but what can I say, I have a big heart with a large capacity to love. And yet, I try very hard to not show that particular side of me all too often...I don't like to be vulnerable. Who does, really? Watching those damn humane society commericals w/ Sarah McLachlan songs playing in the background is enough to put me into an emotional tailspin. Not that that really has anything to do with love, but it's moments like that that make me realize how much my heart can ache. break. into pieces. and feel like it will never ever be whole again.
Fuck it...I need to quit listening to this and this, cuz it's put me in a really dark place. I need some light...seeking suggestions on how to crawl out of this fuckity fucked funk.
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